Recalculating

This post was written a year ago as I finished a grueling year in ministry.  Im so grateful to say that after a year's time I can post this with even more confidence knowing that even in this storm I endured, HE was with me.  I took a year off of serving and let the Lord really do a rehab on my ride.  Same frame, but new updated and working systems.  I pray that wherever you are in this season, you'll tap into your GPS!

I'm terrible at directions, navigating roads and cardinal directions aren't my thing.  Somehow I wasn't born with the internal GPS, that gene skipped me.  I can mostly get you to where you need to go, but its going to be by telling you landmarks such as: turning at the square building with the red trim.  You wont hear me say things like “go north for a quarter of a mile then you’ll head east for a mile.”  My directions may not always make sense to people, but they’ve seemed to work for me so far.  I need things that stick in my head, I'm a visual kinda gal.  You might even call me directionally challenged:  defined in the urban dictionary as: someone who has difficulty determining right from left; someone who often confuses directions, and prefers visual aids; someone who has great difficulty reading maps and or driving while listening to directions.

So when I get directions from God, I like to have landmarks and signs that point me to the next destination.  Funny thing is, it's not how He works. Im not sure I’ve ever seen a SIGN pointing me which way to go. 

So when I was getting "signs" to " turn" in the direction of leading a ministry (PWOC), I couldn't help but feel lost.  I felt like the map I had was obsolete, it was like one of those old trifold maps that are hard to unfold and nearly impossible to fold back up.    Leading a ministry wasn’t on MY roadmap; the one I’d carefully mapped out with marriage, children, careers.  You know, the map of my dreams.  The places I had marked and starred to stop weren't on the road I was heading.  I couldn't see which way was north through my tear filled eyes.  I had a hard enough time finding north on a map before, but this map, in particular, had the compass missing.

I decided to tap into a different kind of map, an electronic, digital, updated map; AKA: GPS.  This device has singlehandedly saved my marriage on many a PCS’s across country.  I’ve even gone as far to advice newly married couples to buy a GPS, adding  "it will be an eternal investment in their marriage."  So I gave it another whirl and plugged in the coordinates of where I wanted to go, and all I heard from my GPS were the painful words  "recalculating."    Those words bring fear and anxiety to even the most versed navigator, when you think you’ve taken a wrong turn and its going to cost you time and energy and may not get you to your destination.  

I only wish that life were as easy to plug in the coordinates, set the cruise control, and coast for the next 50 miles on the wide open road.  However, a GPS doesn't account for stopping for gas, road construction, car accidents, potholes, mountain passes, storms, dark tunnels, “lost satellite reception" and so many other interruptions and recalculations.

So when I got my coordinates to lead this group of women I had no idea that my GPS wasn’t equipped with the newest maps and certainly hadn't accounted for all the obstacles along the way.  I sat and carefully mapped out the stops: our kickoff, the holiday tea, secret sister, the childcare and hospitality “potty breaks”...but nothing taking me too far off my course. 

What I hadn't mapped out were the hotel stays while my car was in the shop. There were long detours around mountains in blizzard conditions taking me far off course and setting me back on my ETA (estimated time of arrival).  I forgot to account for the time in the shop for routine maintenance and oil changes.  Then of course the unexpected repairs, flat tires, faulty windshield wipers, and engine problems.  I spent a lot of time sitting in the greasy smelling shop listening to the sounds of clunking and drilling while my car was getting fixed, only to get back on the road and find out there was still a problem, there was still a sputter, still a leak, as well as check  engine lights going off.  

I looked at my GPS and wondered how I could reprogram it to take me an alternate route, some way to make up time and get me to my destination on time without anymore detours.  I had no idea how I’d gotten so far off course and tacked on so much time to my arrival.  I pulled out my instruction manual and read that my GPS needs constant updates.  I rerouted my journey and tried to program it for “fastest route” only to discover there was no such setting.  “Most Scenic route” was my only option.  I discovered it wasn’t my car that was off course, I hadn’t utilized my GPS to its full potential.

My GPS or God Positioning Devise was never faulty, I'd just failed to read the directions carefully enough.  Once I discovered that the route I wanted to take wasn’t the route God had inteneded I got back in and let  Jesus take the wheel.  I became a passenger instead of the driver. I realized I wasn’t equipped to navigate the treterous mountain passes in icy conditions on my own.  Pumping the breaks and snow tires just didn’t do the trick.  I had all the tools, but I wasn’t trained to fix engine problems, only God can.

I had a much different view from the passenger seat.  I didn’t have to grip the steering wheel until my knuckles were white, I could sit and take in the view from a much different perspective.   I could look in the rear view mirror and see the majestic mountains WE (God and I) overcame—the ones He had driven me through.  The unpaved back roads took me by the most beautiful places I never would have seen blazing by on a highway.  I did have several flat tires, but Jesus sent some fully equipped repairwomen along the way, they were well worth the detour. There were times I was cruising along only to look down and see the gas light on, not knowing how long it had been on empty and that I was driving on fumes.  I’d pull into the “gas station” to get filled up.  Although it wasn’t gas that I was putting in my tank, it was the word of God.  Even when I thought there was no possible way I’d make it to the station, somehow Jesus was there pushing my car in to get a free fill up.

I look back at my mapped out year and it looks NOTHING like the route I've actually taken.  I'm grateful for still making it to my destination, I'm tired and my car is a bit rugged, but it still works.  Several stops at the shop and a good wash and a little engine tune up and it's as good as new.  I've got the sound on my God Positioning Device turned up and don't panic when I hear “recalculating”, cause even though that means I might get lost for a time, I know His route is better than mine.  If left to my own map skills I would take the fastest and easiest route possible. I'd have zipped by on the highway missing stops along the way.  

Ladies, put the parking break on, move into the passenger seat and plug your GPS in for daily updates, the course you were on yesterday may have a bigger storm ahead that you cannot see, but our God Positioning Device is always going to be recalculating to get us to where HE wants us to go!