Live In the Moment

-
Live in the moment

According to my google search “live in the moment” means being present, conscious and aware of the present with all of your senses.  The irony is that so often, as I’m living in the moment, Im so far from the moment.  

This week year has been a slew of “living in the moment” moments.  Many of those moments have been painful, hurtful, surreal, but nonetheless moments I had to endure and live through.  Many of these moments have been wonderful, meaningful, joyful and precious.  

Its in the moments of moving and packing that Im reminded of so many of these moments.  My mind wanders down memory lane.  Sometimes I come to a hualt when my mind takes me down the dark, hurtful, and unforgettable roads.  I want to speed up and forget those moments, block those memories, and replace them with new and fun and fuffly memories.  

However right as I come out of those dark narrow tunnels in my mind I see a glimmer of light and am quickly turned down a lane of laughter and joy.  Its with those dark and depressing moments I get to see the bright ones light up that dark space in my mind.h

The moments I’ve spent watching boxes get stuffed with our belongings and nails hammering our crates shut, I wish I could live out of the moment.  The smell of cardboard lingers long after the last box has been loaded.  The empty walls haunt me with our reverberated voices. There are no pictures to brighten the walls, no rugs to absorb the sound and cushion my feet, not even my own comfy covers to hide under. Instead the moment the movers drive away with our truck filled with our earthly belongings all I want is to be out of the moment.  


I’m stuck between what was, what is, and what will be.  The moment that was so surreal nearly 3 years ago as those same trucks with movers were bringing our things in and now they’re taking them out. It seems like a distant past and ironically I want to go back to that moment, cause that memory seems so much less painful than where I am today.  The greetings and meetings of new faces is so much better than the goodbyes;  it’s moments like these don’t want to live in the moment, I want to live in the past.  

I think of the advice that comes out of my mouth to friends or bystanders when I too tell them...”enjoy it, soak it in, before you know it’s...”. The list goes on, there are many cliche statements I utter too often and today, in this moment I’m prepping myself up to enjoy these last days.  Our last track meet, our last time eating ramen, our last day of school, my last run, last coffee date, etc. I want these moments to be the ones I savor and hold onto in the dark days that lie ahead. 

It’s in this moment that I’m so grateful for the blessing of living in Japan, traveling the world, trying new things, reaching new goals, seeing my kids flourish, and experiencing life with friends who’ve become like family.  

I’ll end with a quote I saw “Time isn’t measured by clocks, it’s measured by moments.”  Excuse me while I stop the clock and savor the moment!


Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.


 Proverbs 27:1


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Between the candles

-
  Candles on the cake indicate age, but the shrinking wax mimics time melting away.     There’s something about the whispers of smoke wafting from a birthday candle wish that bring back memories.       There was once a time when I blew my candles “wishing” to be pregnant, start a family, and become a momma.     That wish has come true x4 and I couldn’t be more blessed.     With each passing birthday the memories fade and time speeds up.       Each birthday I watch baby cheeks loose their chub, eyes loose their wonder, and hearts loose their innocence.     It’s in that   moment between smoke and memories that I catch a glimpse of my sweet baby blowing out his/her first candle. Within seconds I can be transported to a time where chubby fingers were tasting the frosting for the first time.   One cake to another marks the passing of a year, but there are so many layers and ingredients that make up that...
Read more

How Loud is Your Silence?

-
How loud is your silence?  The voices in my head have been screaming!  My silence is not golden.  My silence is deafening, but inaudible all at the same time.  I’m not sure what it’s saying. I hear it crying for help, chanting for freedom, taunting shame, and mocking guilt.  My silence yells me lies and covers me in deceit and deception. All this while hearing...nothing. Sometimes  it’s not what I hear, but what I don’t hear.  Its my alarm not going off for an early morning run with friends. It’s the quietness of my phone or absence a doorbell ringing. It’s the sound of a car turning into a neighbors driveway and not my own. Its void of snores next to me in the blackness of the night.  It’s the  muteness of God telling me everything will be okay.  The shrillness of silence is reverberating in my ears. Silence is defeating and daunting.  Silence is painful and agonizing.  Silence is necessary. Silence is ...
Read more

Home is where the heart is...

-
Home is always on my mind, my new home, my old home, my forever home, my "never thought I'd be here home", my home away from home, big home, ugly home, awkward and too tiny home.  Ive lived in a combination of all of these places, big, small, ugly, cute, etc.  But the one commonality each of these homes is each has a piece of my heart. If the old saying goes "home is where the heart is" then my heart is all over the US and soon to be Asia.  Each move, I've left a piece of my heart, a bit of myself. Its kind of like when I was in labor with my second and I was sobbing about how I wouldn't have enough love to go around for this baby and my 1st born (boy was I naive  dumb).  OF COURSE I HAD ENOUGH LOVE...and since, enough for not just 2, but 4 of them.  My heart has grown, almost to the point of bursting with love for each of my children.  Not only has my heart grown with my babies, but its changed and reshaped with each of my moves. The heart is re...
Read more