How Loud is Your Silence?

How loud is your silence?  The voices in my head have been screaming!  My silence is not golden.  My silence is deafening, but inaudible all at the same time.  I’m not sure what it’s saying. I hear it crying for help, chanting for freedom, taunting shame, and mocking guilt.  My silence yells me lies and covers me in deceit and deception.

All this while hearing...nothing.

Sometimes  it’s not what I hear, but what I don’t hear.  Its my alarm not going off for an early morning run with friends. It’s the quietness of my phone or absence a doorbell ringing. It’s the sound of a car turning into a neighbors driveway and not my own. Its void of snores next to me in the blackness of the night.  It’s the  muteness of God telling me everything will be okay.  The shrillness of silence is reverberating in my ears.

Silence is defeating and daunting.  Silence is painful and agonizing.  Silence is necessary. Silence is ordained.

I know in the absence of voices and in the chaos of silent voices God is whispering to my soul.  Even though I can't hear what he's saying through the other silent voices, I know he's repeating what he wants me to hear.  I need to tune my ears to hear what God is repeating: "My child, you are enough.  Daughter, you are loved.  Sister, you are cherished.  Friend, you are wanted and needed."  I know in the echo of  my mind God is speaking all this and MORE.  I want to turn up the voice of God and turn off the voice of others and hush the lying voice of silence.

Its in silence I hear God.  I hear him in the birds chirping and leaves blowing.  I hear him in my kids' laughter and the dryer turning.  I hear him in the heater humming.  I hear God in the refrigerator running and the car starting.  I even hear God amidst the arguing of my children. If I stop to listen to the silence I can find God's voice in the quietness.  Its in the silence that He ordained that he is tuning my ears to hear Him.  It takes training and time and effort, but the quieter it is the louder I hear him.

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 

God reminds me that His voice is the only one I need to listen for and in that, I will be able to hear and know Him.  Turn up the voice of God and join me in His silence.